Self Doubt and Confusion
Ever felt confused? Ever wonder just what it is that God has planned for you? I know that I should trust in God and let go of fears and worries. Let Go and Let God. Not a bad way to live.
But, Cheryl and I have been trying for a baby for more than two years. We tried at home inseminations with known donors four times -- no luck. We have tried three AIs with one clinic, no luck, but I'm happy we've switched clinics. We're now on our second try with our new clinic and while I'm happy there, I'm sitting here wondering if I'm pregnant or not.
Then, I think, what if God doesn't want me to be a mom? What if he has some other plan for me and we're just wasting thousands of dollars trying? How do I know? Do I keep plowing ahead and use up all of the tries my work insurance offers or do I give up now?
I can't imagine going through life and not being a mom. I'm a stepmom, but it really isn't the same. My stepchildren are grown and, apparently, stepmothers don't count for much of anything in this society. Maybe, it's different for stepmoms who were in the children's lives when they were little guys, but coming in as teenagers -- it don't mean a thing.
So, I asked God this past Sunday to send me a sign. I know that if we give up on a biological child, I will never be a mom. Cheryl is not for us adopting at all, plus the added expenses with adoption are really something we can't afford. (Yeah, I've heard all the talk about if you can't afford the adoption, how can you afford the child? But, it's different. A child's added costs are overtime. Adoption fees are pretty much up front.) Plus, is the state of Wisconsin really going to grant us a child given that there are so many straight married couples out there.
Add to all of this the wonder of just what the heck am I doing with my life? I'm 38 and I still haven't figured out what I want to do from now until death.
I have total faith in God, but somedays, I just wish he could grant me a sign.
Anyone else feeling this way?
Blessings.
But, Cheryl and I have been trying for a baby for more than two years. We tried at home inseminations with known donors four times -- no luck. We have tried three AIs with one clinic, no luck, but I'm happy we've switched clinics. We're now on our second try with our new clinic and while I'm happy there, I'm sitting here wondering if I'm pregnant or not.
Then, I think, what if God doesn't want me to be a mom? What if he has some other plan for me and we're just wasting thousands of dollars trying? How do I know? Do I keep plowing ahead and use up all of the tries my work insurance offers or do I give up now?
I can't imagine going through life and not being a mom. I'm a stepmom, but it really isn't the same. My stepchildren are grown and, apparently, stepmothers don't count for much of anything in this society. Maybe, it's different for stepmoms who were in the children's lives when they were little guys, but coming in as teenagers -- it don't mean a thing.
So, I asked God this past Sunday to send me a sign. I know that if we give up on a biological child, I will never be a mom. Cheryl is not for us adopting at all, plus the added expenses with adoption are really something we can't afford. (Yeah, I've heard all the talk about if you can't afford the adoption, how can you afford the child? But, it's different. A child's added costs are overtime. Adoption fees are pretty much up front.) Plus, is the state of Wisconsin really going to grant us a child given that there are so many straight married couples out there.
Add to all of this the wonder of just what the heck am I doing with my life? I'm 38 and I still haven't figured out what I want to do from now until death.
I have total faith in God, but somedays, I just wish he could grant me a sign.
Anyone else feeling this way?
Blessings.
posted by Julie at 3:53 PM
4 Comments:
Maybe if you were faithful to God's commands he would bless you with a child. I mean, he did create men and women to procreate together. Since you have perverted the natural relationship he created in the very beginning, why would he bless your mess? Personally, I will pray he continues to prevent your empty womb. That child needs an environment that God intended - a mom and a dad.
Well, thanks for commenting, but I don't believe not having a child is God's punishment for being gay. Afterall, there are a lot of straight couples that are sitting childless out there, what are their sins? Is God punishing them? Is He not blessing them?
And, as far as your "God intended" remark, how do you know what God intended?
Do you think God intended for Marcus Fiesel to die alone and tied up in a closet because his straight foster parents couldn't be bothered with taking him to their family reunion?
I can't believe that anyone, anyone on this planet would actually pray that someone doesn't have a child. How cold, inhuman, unChristian, uncaring can that possibly be? What if the writer of this blog started praying that God strikes you with a horrible diease? That wouldn't be any less terrible as what you are suggesting.
God Said "I know the plans I have for you, for Good and not for evil"
First you need to BELIEVE, and in God's time , he will answer. However don't just sit there and stew , get motivated in some Christian work. Offer your help to the many organisations that need help. God blessed all of us with talents. Whatever yours are, you better use them, you might discover you have more than you knew about.
Being Gay, is not God's ideal situation for children. We have all gone astray from HIS WORD.
We go on our own way, ignoring God's way, and then we cry when we don't get our way. God is Patient, he wants all to come to the saving knowledge of HIM, only then can we begin to ask favors. Didn't HE say, "Follow me " !!!!!!!
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