IVF Update

I just want to fall into a deep hole and never come up for air. I took my blood test today and no baby, not even a little one. Now, they want me to do a follow-up appointment and I just want to cry my eyes out. Here, I've been talking to the 3 embroyos for two weeks, hoping that they were listening and now, I just feel empty.

I wonder if it's me. Am I just not a good enough person to have a baby? Some mean, cold, heartless human being actually posted the following comment after I had posted a message wondering if God wants me to be a mom or not:

Maybe if you were faithful to God's commands he would bless you with a child. I mean, he did create men and women to procreate together. Since you have perverted the natural relationship he created in the very beginning, why would he bless your mess? Personally, I will pray he continues to prevent your empty womb. That child needs an environment that God intended - a mom and a dad.

Can you imagine anyone being so heartless and cold to actually pray another human being does not become a mother? Right at this very moment, if I had a gun and I knew who this person was, I'd kill them -- wait, no, I wouldn't need the gun. What a horrible, horrible thing to say and yet, now I'm filled with doubt, did this nasty person's prayers outweigh mine? Is this some minister or priest whom God thinks more of than me and so He granted his/her prayers over mine -- and the prayers of my friends, family and above all, my wife?

And, just what the Hell is wrong with me that I remembered this posting today or all days? That for one second, I'm actually taking it to heart? Am I really feeling that low?

For two weeks, I have refused the thought that I'm not preggers to cross my mind. I've refused to listen to any negativity. So, I'm giving myself today -- and maybe a part of tomorrow -- to mourn the loss of those three embroyos, but come Sunday, that's it. I'm only looking forward, not back. I'm concentrating on having a happy, healthy baby and nothing more. I am a good person and that nutcase is just that, a nutcase who should be ignored and pitied, not listened to and believed. God knows that I would make a good mother, not a perfect one, certainly not one as good as the mother of God, Mary, but I will be the best mom this world has ever seen. Maybe, He'll bless me with a biological child and maybe, He wants me to adopt, but I'm not giving up, so person who hates, wherever and whoever you are, I ain't broken yet -- nice try.

God Bless!

Separation of Church and State

The Separation of Church and State.  It is a very powerful term.  Our founding fathers clearly meant that we would have no state mandated religion.  We, as American men (as women didn't count for much in those days), would not be forced to worship in anyone's church.  The founding fathers felt that this idea of freedom, extending from religion to the press to the right of protest was so highly valued that it is first on the list of amendments:

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

Now, in the long run, the separation of church and state has extended to the government does not tax church property and income.  Further, for individuals (and if I'm wrong, I'm sure you'll correct me), this extends that any income from church related activities (provided you are a minister, pastor or such) is not taxed.

BUT, the wrong wing goes on and on about how there shouldn't be a separation of church and state.  We're a Christian nation, they say.  Well, then, I say, let's tax the churches -- property tax especially.  Salaries for pastors, ministers, etc. tax them too.

No separation of church and state should mean -- NO SEPARATION!

God Bless

The Pope and the Muslims

Excuse me while I rant.

Right now, Muslims -- granted the extremists -- work to destroy Israel. Muslims are responsible for 9/11. The majority of terrorists are Muslims. The Pope quotes some guy from the 14th century that the Islamic faith has only brought evil to the world and that they live by the sword and the response from the Muslim community is violence and a call to force the Pope to resign.

Well, I for one have had it with the Muslim faith. Get over yourselves. We all have to share this planet, we all have to work together to build homes for our families and to put food on the table. All I see from the non-American based Muslims are calls to destroy Israel and suicide bombings. I see them bomb stores and buildings because they didn't like a cartoon. I read a quote from a Muslim about how would Christians feel if Christ was being made fun of in that manner. Christ is always being made fun of in some manner somewhere and you don't see Christians blowing up buildings and killing people over it.

Sure, these actions do not represent every Muslim on the planet, but somedays it feels like it.

The Iranian President has threaten Israel with annihilation. If you want me to believe that Muslims are a peace-loving group, stand up and demand his resignation. Remove him from office. Otherwise, you're just a lot of phony peace-talk and no real positive action.

God Bless

Shame on CNN

So, I'm checking out the headlines at CNN.com and I notice under Entertainment the following headline:
"Clooney, Nobel winner demand Darfur action".

Under ENTERTAINMENT?!? Why is the horror in Darfur listed under Entertainment? The Nobel Prize winner mentioned in the headline is Elie Wiesel (a hero of mine). When Wiesel talks, the world ought to be listening, not banishing it to the ENTERTAINMENT section of news.

We've all ready made the mistake -- the entire world -- for letting Darfur go on as long as it has. We will as a group be punished by God Himself for not feeding, clothing, healing and protecting those in Darfur. Could we not pretend this is nothing more than the launch of a new movie?

God Bless

Shame on CNN

So, I'm checking out the headlines at CNN.com and I notice under Entertainment the following headline:
"Clooney, Nobel winner demand Darfur action".

Under ENTERTAINMENT?!? Why is the horror in Darfur listed under Entertainment? The Nobel Prize winner mentioned in the headline is Elie Wiesel (a hero of mine). When Wiesel talks, the world ought to be listening, not banishing it to the ENTERTAINMENT section of news.

We've all ready made the mistake -- the entire world -- for letting Darfur go on as long as it has. We will as a group be punished by God Himself for not feeding, clothing, healing and protecting those in Darfur. Could we not pretend this is nothing more than the launch of a new movie?

God Bless